As parents, most of us at sometime or another
have had to deal with an unruly child. As parents of children with special
needs those times can be rather frequent. Many a heated discussion has occurred
in our house over taking medications, eye drops, eating regular meals, (and
since transplant), drinking enough fluid. (Sound familiar!) Not to mention the
usual battles over bedtime, homework, video games and a thousand other daily
frustrations. I am grateful for my son’s strong and stubborn personality.
He needs it to fight the constant challenges Cystinosis imposes. But dealing
with the eruptions of temper and his very strong will sometimes leaves me
feeling weary and battle scarred.
If you have ever felt similar
frustrations, then this book may help. The authors offer practical advice on
how best to deal with “Challengers”. This book recognizes that all
children are different and the discipline techniques that work well with some
children are woefully inadequate with others. The early chapters discuss many
traits of “Challengers“; “pushers” and “pullers“,
“escalators“, “negotiators“, “curiosity seekers“,
“competitive“, “strong-willed“, “energetic” and
“impatient” , to name a few; that are difficult to handle and still
stay sane. It then offers a ‘parent plan’ for each specific situation
that avoids a win/lose situation between parent and child.
It discusses
the seven different types of intelligence; linguistic, logical, spatial,
kinetic, musical, interpersonal, and intrapersonal. The type of intelligence
one has greatly colors how he views his world, and how he reacts to it.
Recognizing your child’s type of intelligence may help to understand his
behavior and diffuse conflict.
It discusses problems specific to school
and day care. How to select your child’s teacher and then work with her to
help your child reach his potential. Approach is important. Be positive. One
example of how to approach the teacher is, “I have an active,
high-spirited child. John is easily distracted. Maybe he would do better if he
sat at the front of the class. I’m always available to talk about
him.” This places the focus on problem solving as a team, not on the
child’s personality.
What I liked most about this book was its
nonjudgmental style, and practical advice for dealing with a myriad of
situations. In society today if one sees a child in a store throwing a tantrum
that can be heard a mile away it is easy to blame the parent for “not
doing his/her job” or label the child as “bad”. Parents of
Challengers are not “bad” parents, Challengers are not
“bad” children. They just require different techniques to unlock and
achieve their potential.
One of the authors of this book is also the
parent of a Challenger. Her comments in the epilogue were very poignant and
bear repeating. “When I began writing The Challenging Child,
I thought that this miraculous change would take place in my daughter when I
uncovered everything about her that I had yet to understand. She would no
longer be a challenge. But the irony is that most of the change that has taken
place during this year has been in me.” .....“Did I want her to be a
different child or a better-behaved version of the child she was? Then I
realized that this was the paradox. the child she was would always possess some
of the traits I didn’t like. The challenge was how I, as the parent,
perceived and reacted to these traits.”
In conclusion I leave you
with Donna Corwin’s parting thought. “Without a doubt, challengers
are the exciting adults of the future. If channeled correctly, all of their
traits can serve them in a positive way. After all, any child can use primary
colors, but think of what a child who chases magenta madness and serpent green
can accomplish.”
This book is an excellent resource for the
frazzled parent of a Challenger. I highly recommend it.